Healthy isn’t healthy anymore

“One of Jesus’ friends said if we want to get it right, we need to live a life worthy of the calling we’ve received. The call is to love God and the people around us while we live into the most authentic version of ourselves.”

– Bob Goff

Dear Renee

You have fought this battle for far too long. No one is as hard on you are you are on yourself.

What people can’t hear is the war in your mind. The loud voices that tell you that you aren’t good enough. The pushing and pulling that stretches you in so many different directions, overwhelming you to the point where you aren’t sure what is real.

Your appearance is so unique that there isn’t another person who looks just like you. Your multiple scars and your spots, your squishy parts and your curves. Your blue eyes and your piano fingers, your birth mark and absent toenails. Your double jointed elbows and your eyelashes. Your small ears and your long hair. You are one of a kind.

And even though your outward appearance is so intricately composed – everything thats alive inside; that beautiful mind and heart is what God cares for.

You have to end this war. You need to find your identity in more than this.

You need to stop caring. I can see the confusion in your eyes when I say that, because you care so deeply. Its one of the greatest things that make you you. But because you are so sensitive and emotive – there’s no such thing as middle ground. You need to let go.

Your body is a gift and how you feel matters. What you look like doesn’t. Everything you continue to carry and fight is going to destroy you. You can’t keep doing hours of cardio only to be starving in the evening and eat insatiably. You can’t fast to gain “control” only to then binge fearfully of all you’re missing.

But most of all, you can’t keep defining yourself by what you see when you look in the mirror.

Did you know you actually try really damn hard?

You eat so well most of the time. You choose beautiful nourishing foods and you pay such close attention to how your body is feeling. You follow strict routine and get up early to move your body, even when thats really hard. You try to follow a sleep routine even though you toss and turn most nights. You are always learning online; watching videos, reading articles, listening to podcasts – hours upon hours.

You constantly try.

But maybe you need to stop trying so hard. Maybe the answer actually isn’t that you lack discipline, or you need to further restrict food or you aren’t doing this type of exercise. Maybe you can’t find the answer you’re looking for because it does not exist.

Maybe you actually need to let go altogether. Because this feels too heavy and it isn’t a positive thing anymore.

You care to the point in which it is hurting you. And God doesn’t want you to be hurting and burdened. He has great plans for you and a calling for you to keep pursuing. But you can’t step forward while you’re carrying this. You can’t move anywhere under this weight. Your heart is occupied by the obsession of wanting “better”. But God just wants to love you and take you exactly as you are.

For years you have been in a vicious cycle and enough is enough. Its time to give yourself the grace you deserve and to give this space in your heart to more important matters.

You are enough and you have a purpose, exactly as you are, right where you are – as soon as you surrender.

This might hurt – this will be a battle all in itself. But its time to let go. Theres freedom on the other side of this surrender and theres something that will mean a whole lot more to you.

You are angry and you’re frustrated. You are tired and you’re weary. Please, stop fighting.

Love,

Renee.

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